This light is for you to:
-tell the world how wonderful a person you are
-teach us how to become a billionaire
-lecture us on climate change
-show us your fabulous makeup
-explain that nothing is impossible
-share your marvelous talents
-show us that you support "the current thing" that is going on in the world
-single-handedly solve global conflicts, energy crisis and world hunger
-tell us which presidential candidate we should vote for!

You are such a wonderful person, you really are! Buy this light and share your knowledge, share your wisdom.
You are the most important person in the universe, we need you to tell us what to do!